This is my 100th post on Clarissa's site!!! That is a whole lot of my ramblings. Before I go on about that let me share this....
So ya...100 posts. Hard to believe considering when I started this thing I wasn't hugely big on the whole concept. When I realized that I was reaching this milestone it got me going back to the very beginning of Clarissa's site (that's right I still don't like, and refuse to use the b word) reading all my ramblings and looking at all those pictures. It was a bit of a pain until I figured out that I had to use the archive menu on the left side to select 2009, then July, then click on the bottom link (Introducing Miss Clarissa....), and then once I read the post I clicked on "Newer Post" at the bottom to get to the next one. I am writing this so that I can refer to it the next time I want to read through it but don't remember how.
Anyhow, I went back to when we had just recieved our referral and first pictures of her. Through the prep for our trip to China. Following our priceless time there. Revisiting those first moments, hours, and days with our wonderful little girl. All the things that have gone on since we have been home....and watching her grow and change so much.
It was quite an emotional rollercoaster.(well not for me...because I am man, I no feel emotions, the only thing to make me cry is cutting onions....and even then I just pretend, I am man.) It was something to read some of those posts from when we were in China that I don't remember writing or reading before. Even so, when I read them now I remember feeling exactly the way that I wrote it, so I guess I was telling the truth.
The trip is kind of a blur, yet vividly clear at the same time. Do you know what I mean? Some of the clearest blurry memories of my whole life.
The whole thing also got me to pull out all of the 1500 or so pictures that I took while we were there and go through them. Again, some that I don't even remember taking. Some really awesome shots, not bad for a sleep deprived dude halfway across the world from home going through a life changing experience.
Anyhow, it got me to thinking about that day in Nanchang when the huge group of us made the life risking trek across the street from the hotel to the office where we went to meet our children.
Now, of course I have thought about that day before, but it was mostly thinking to myself things like: "Oh ya self, I remember walking across that super busy street with a big pile-o-cash in my pockets...or wait...maybe it was my money belt....
where basically the only rule of the road was don't get hit by any of these vehicles that are not following any rules of the road" or "Self, remember the big tv in the room that we were waiting in that someone kept putting the volume up full blast??? Oh ya self, I remember that!!! Wasn't that annoying self?? Yes, yes it was self!!".
But this time it was different. My memories were not focusing on remembering the details of what happened as much as the way I was feeling throughout the whole thing. That feeling that rushed through me as we all of a sudden heard a chorus of crying babies approaching the room and then the Nannies came filing in with the babies in their arms. Pretty much all of them crying away....then there was this tiny little face that I recognized. Kind of scared, but not crying like all the others. Looking around checking out what was going on. I said to myself "Self, there is Clarissa!!!!!!" "Self, there's our little girl!!!!" "Self, she is right over there in the same room with us!!!!!!" My whole body filled with this amazing feeling that didn't compare to anything I ever felt in my life other than that moment that I slipped the ring on Carolyn's finger and said to myself "Self, there is Carolyn!!!!!" "Self, there is my beautiful wife!!!" "Self, she is right here standing beside me!!!!" It was this amazing feeling of perfectness completeness and rightness. A feeling that words just can't adequately describe (even when I make them up).
Hmmmmm I had a point that I was getting to, but I rambled, got sidetracked, and now it is late and I forget. I will read this over tomorrow, but I am sure that it is unlikely that it will read as well as I had planned. I may have to try again later, cause it was going to be GOOD!
I think that I may start mixing in some of the China pictures that I didn't post before. How about this one...it's how we left the bed in our hotel room when we headed across the street to meet Clarissa. At least I don't think that I posted it before.
Oh well, I am tired.....off to bed I go!!!! Post 101 to come soon...